Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fantasy Football Blues

As we speak I sit alone in last place with an 0-5 record in my trash talking league and the vultures are starting to swirl. I'm starting to get harassed, called names, and bullied by my opponents. This is a very unfamiliar position to be in.

I'm used to doing the talking, not getting talked about. My ego can't handle this kind of failure. I don't take ass kickings, I give em out! Humble pie is nasty. It leaves a bitter after taste in your mouth and it's hard to swallow. I won't give my opponents the satisfaction of watching me fold up like a lawn chair however.

They can rub it in all they want, but I will stay defiant to the end. I can't say as I blame them though. I would probably do the same thing if I was in their position. There's nothing more gratifying than silencing a loud mouth.

I want to keep talking, but when you have nothing to back it up with the words are hollow and have absolutely no impact. I pride myself on meaningful, eloquent expression so for now I will remain mute. This sucks!! Damn you Ryan Grant, Michael Vick, Mark Ingram, and Vincent Jackson! You've ruined me! You've embarrassed me! First the Miami Hurricanes, now Cleavie Wonder. What is the world coming to?

At least I'll win my hurt your feelings league. Thank goodness for the Aaron Rodgers/Wes Welker duo. I have to take my frustrations out on someone so those guys will get more than an earful as I cruise to the championship. I may need to hire a bodyguard befeore this season is over. My words sometimes rain down like razor sharp confetti and the casualties pile up. It's not always easy being Cleavie Wonder!

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